The Pit is Deep, Dark, Cold, and Lonely – 5/26/2016
By Howard Forstrom
It has been 12 weeks since my last blog. I have wanted to write but found myself in a deep pit. I reacted badly to the treatments, I dropped my weight to under 130 pounds, two hospitalizations and most of all I had no energy.
The pit is deep and it seemed like I could not climb out. I couldn’t by myself but I counted on the prayers of others. It was discouraging because at times I felt I was getting to the edge just to fall back down. It has been a slow crawl to the top of the pit. I can say I finally feel that I have emerged but am resting just out of my pit.
The pit is dark, especially at night when your mind wonders if today is the day I will see Jesus. Job talks about the long nights with its pain and longing for mornings. I was there. I am not sure how unbelievers survive these dark times because only my faith keeps the hopelessness away.
The pit is lonely. Ellen is a fabulous caregiver. She is attentive, keeping track of pills, my medical needs and appointments. She is my advocate. Most important she is the love of my life, my soul mate, my true best friend. The times she works or is out the world is suddenly a lonely place. Calls from friends or the comfort of knowing Jesus is with me gets me through these times. I thank God for Ellen who gets me through the lonely times in the pit.
The pit is a cold place, where I have spent a lot of time in bed under the covers. The coldness can permeate the bones especially in the wee hours of the morning. I have learned to pray during these times. Prayer solves so many of my emotional and spiritual needs.
So I have emerged from the pit. In many ways I am still broken physically, I get hooked up to IV nutrition every night which is a helps me restore some weight. My muscles are atrophied badly, during this time I need to gain back that muscle mass and strength. The big issue is that the cancer has moved into my skull and is pressing on the nerve for my left eye. The drooped eye lid keeps me from being able to use that eye. Please pray that God will shrink the swelling. The cancer is now in my bone marrow so I am not making enough blood. I have had to get blood transfusions of packed red blood cells and platelets.
You need to know that even though this has been a really hard time I know that my Savior has been with me and allows me to still live the abundant life talked about in John 10:10. While in the hospital I shared the Live Givers message with three top hospital officials. Praise God!
- Restoration of vision
- Put on weight
- Strength and stamina
- That the new chemo drug puts the cancer in remission